how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
