Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
