I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
