Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
