I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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