Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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