Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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