There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
someone threw a dead crab at me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
