i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
