I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize