He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My vagina just clenched in fear
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
