An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
