u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
