I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
