I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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