I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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