dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
