Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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