Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
