Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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