They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
