We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
