Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
