I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
