I'm laying in your front yard are you home
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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