My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
