All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she told me i tasted like america
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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