wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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