Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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