Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
