Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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