the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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