Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
