her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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