dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
