I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
