Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This is not my ceiling
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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