The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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