I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize