I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
