I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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