STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
