i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
vagina is talking i cant
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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