she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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