Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
