we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
