worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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