you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
