I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
