Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We don't watch enough power rangers
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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