I want to have your abortion
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
