No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
