Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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