i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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