hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
