guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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