Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
