Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
