Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize