All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
