Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize