12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
