we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
