he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
