I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
