My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
