He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
