everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
