i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
