I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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