just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
