omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's the barista slut.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
