I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
