all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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