OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
