I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
