That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize