I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
