He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
bring money and cleavage
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
