Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
