every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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