I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
