whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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