Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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