I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
