I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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