Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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