people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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