i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
