we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
