i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
