Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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