While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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