bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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