Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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