Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
