I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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