Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
