I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
