HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
