I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
