TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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