Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
