why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
