CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
