Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize