I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
