It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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