i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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