You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
