your room smells of hookers.
And success
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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