btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
