Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
